“Get new Apple thing and get it as quickly as possible. Rinse. Repeat.”

First I waited in line outside the store. Then I stayed up late refreshing my web browser. But I have three teenagers who I hope to send AWAY to college in the next three years, so I’m left waiting for my iPhone XS Max and my Apple Watch Series 4 to die before I consider replacing them.

Still, I live vicariously through the adventures of early adopters like M.G. Siegler, who admits to making poor excuses to justify his Apple addictions, especially since this time around Apple has made some decidedly…